From "Exclusive" To "Mixed"

21st July 2007. This is the date when Aliff got it's first taste of formula milk.

I'm sad. But I can't help it.

Here's the story...

Referring to my last post, alhamdulillah, on the same day itself, Ashraff has stopped vomitting and on Friday, he has regained his energy. His appetite is still so-so, but I think it's more of him and his usual of-and-on mood on eating.

But bila anak dah sihat...

Ibu pulak sakit.

I was down with quite a severe food poisoning, both vomitting and diarrhea. It started on Thursday night, like in the middle of the night and continued till Friday. I was weak and flat the whole day, and Aliff (and Ashraff) was left in the care of Bibik. Aliff has to depend entirely on the leftover EBM stock in the fridge, coz I am too weak to even breastfeed him directly. Only at night, he sleeps with me and that was the only time he got to breastfeed directly (itupun hanya sekali je dia bangun).

By the time Saturday came, I had lost quite a lot of body fluid, and I haven't eaten well (jenis kalau makan je, keluar balik semua), so my milk supply was badly affected. Aliff was furious caused he couldn't get his normal supply of milk. We've run out of stock at that time. Everything is in vain and our only choice is to supplement him with formula. He couldn't accept it at first. But because he was too hungry for milk, he walloped the whole bottle.

I don't know why but at that point of time, I don't feel sad at all. Maybe I was too weak to even think properly.

Then, Aliff started to pass watery stools few times in a day. And Ibu was panicky. And tired as well, coz lepas satu, satu kena penyakit yang sama. Probably he's allergic to the formula that we've given him as he has diaper rash as well.

So, not waiting to let the problem continues, I ate whatever I can despite my bad appetite and took lots of drinks, in hope that I would be able to feed Aliff directly and build-up my stock as well. But as of yesterday night, my supply still does not suffice. Aliff was hungry so he tend to 'bergayut' and I couldn't put him down to sleep. Pukul 2 pagi barulah dia tidur peacefully. Terasa macam dalam pantang pulak semalam. Oh, you don't know how I feel last night...It was teribble! Frustrated, sad, pity, incomplete..semua ada.

And today since I'm working, he has to be supplemented by the same formula. Ahhh...sedih. So far, report from home said that Aliff is doing fine with the formula. But I want Aliff to be back on his fully-breastfeeding mode. Been reading on 'relactation' subject. Not an easy task. Lot of hard work, but I really hope I would be able to do it.

Oh yeah, another thing that I hate from having to go through all these occurrences is that I've lost almost 3 kilos in just 3 days time. Am I on crash diet or something?! I really need to gain back my weight. I look like a school girl, okay. Tak suka!