Five Love Languages

Are you and your spouse speaking the same language?
He sends you flower but all you really want is time to talk. She gives you a hug but what you really need is a home-cooked meal. The problem is not the love - it is your love language!

According to Dr Gary Chapman, an experienced marriage counsellor, people tend to express and receive love in different ways, which is known as love language.
Just like having one comfortable language to use i.e. our mother's tongue, the same applies to love language. Sometimes our mother's tongue is different from our spouse's, thus, we have problem to talk. However, we tried to learn and communicate with our spouse's language and the same goes for him, just to make each other happy and comfortable. The same goes for love. If you want to feel connected to your Other Half, than try to learn and speak his love languages.

In his 20 years of counselling, Dr Chapman identified five love languages, such as follows:-

Act of Service
If you insist that your spouse do this and that, like helping you to prepare dinner, or wash the clothes, or vacumm the floor, ACT OF SERVICE is considered your love languages. By having your other half to perform the service, you felt loved by him. Or like what Dr. Chapman used to say "your love tank is full".

This works vice versa. If you other half concerns whether you do what you are supposed to do, then that might be his love language. Speak his love language, and he will feel love and willingly to give love in return.

Quality Time
If your spouse emphasis on having quality time with you, like having romantic dinner together, playing badminton together, going for a vacation together, then "Quality Time" is his love language.

Receiving Gifts
Oh yeah, this is nothing else but giving and receiving gifts. If u see that your Other Half loves to give u gift, without any specific occassion, then Receiving Gifts might be his love language.
I know a couple who have never given any gift to each other even during special occassion. And they survived for more than 15 years of marriage (till todate), which means they have different type of love language. Perhaps the next one..

Words of Affirmation
Words speaks louder than action. This is for people who has this type of love languages. Praise them, encouraged them, and they will feel love all over and are willingly to give love in return (usually by giving words of affirmation as well since that is their love language).

Physical Touch
Hold their hands, hug them, touch their face..just to make them feel love. If you find out that your spouse likes to hug you or hold your hand, eventhough you are not comfortable with that (perhaps you like flower/cake as an alternative), then you can tell that is his love language. So, to make him feel love, learn how to hold him and touch him always. That is sure to make him feel connected to you..

So, what is your love language? Basically, if you are incline to express love in a certain way, perhaps by praising him, then words of affirmation is your love language.
How about your Other Half? It takes time for you to find out actually. Living and being with him, u will be able to know. Like me, I always watch out for the things that triggers an argument between us. Usually, this is because of difference in love language. I got to know that my hubby's love language is "Act of Service". He expects me to take charge of household chores - cook, keep the house cleans etc. He does not care if I forget to buy him present for his birthday, or praise him if he wear something different, or spending quality time with him, or even hug him occassionally. Yang penting my service as a wife (service, service ni jangan pikir lain ye..). You should see how happy and satisfied he is if I cook for him!

My love language is something different. I don't mind if he does not help me with the housechores or forget to do something which I asked him to do. But if he does not do this one thing...memang panas! I don't feel the love coming from him at all! What is it, dear? I think you should know by now..After all, we have been married for almost three years..

Hope this is a good topic for married (and soon-to-be married) couples. Feel like writing something more educational today. By the way, your children also have different love languages..Abang lain, akak lain, adik lain..so it is up to us parents to tackle it..