About My Mothers

After looking through at my archives, I've realized one thing...I've hardly make any entry about my mother(s). Yes, I did mention them numerous times but not a single dedicated entry about them. I guess it's about time I post a memoir as a tribute to their dedicated time and patience throughout the years as my mothers.

You see, when me and Hubby got married, we decided not to label our mothers as "Mak I-Mak you" or "My mother or my mother in law" instead we opt on using Mak Ampang and Mak Pontian, so both of them become 'our' mothers.

My Mak Ampang

We are 30 years apart, which makes my biological mother 63 this year. Yeah, she got me when she was 30 not because she got married late but it took her 6 years to conceive.

When I was small, I remember Mak as being a fierce and strict mother. Tak sporting langsung! She is good at disciplining the keras kepala me. She prefers to adopt the canning system -rotan, hanger, belt - semuanya dah pernah rasa. Pernah kena cili mulut, pernah kena toreh tangan dengan kaca sebab pecahkan pasu kesayangan dia, pernah kena duduk luar rumah sebab bila dah Maghrib tak reti-reti nak masuk rumah, pernah dia habiskan semua makanan kat atas meja sebab tak makan dinner on time. Yikes! To think of it, Mak sangat garang, macam harimau!

But she will come to you at night untuk sapukan ubat kat tangan yang dah berdarah kena toreh, atau kaki yang berbirat kena sebat, or she will cook a simple dinner in the middle of the night so I don't go to bed in hunger.

Despite the fierceness (hehe), you hardly hear her voice. She does not nag. She does not scream. She is the quiet type. She hardly laughs. Paling kuat pun setakat ketawa dua harkat. But she smiles a lot. That is something that I learn from her. Smile to anyone that you came across with, regardless of age, race and status.

All in all, she is a total opposite of Abah. Abah pampers me to the core, Abah loves to make jokes, Abah laughs out loud. Yet, I'm pretty close to Mak because her patience balances the darah Bugis in me.

To all of us, Mak has always be known for her patience, and yet firm in making her decision. I think being an eldest of 8 siblings contributes to these quality traits. Her sisters (and a brother) looks up to her for advice..her mother who lost her husband at the age of 42 (when Mak was 24 yo) also looks up to her for almost anything.

So when Abah passed away, she remains her composure..and keeps her strength in going through her days without Abah around. She is even stronger than me coz it hit me pretty bad when Abah passed away! Yet, what saddens me everytime I look at her is you can see a void in her life that cannot be filled. She is becoming thinner by the day...and ages really fast. She does not jog in the morning like she used to with Abah. She hardly does her gardening.

I let the elder two boys sleep at the her house every weekend just to keep her company. At least having them around keeps her busy (sometimes terlebih busy pulak..). And we decided to send Aqieff to her house instead of sending to the nursery, so she has someone to play with during the day. Every night dinner is at her home.


Oh yeah, the boys has also forced her to act beyond her norm. Now you can hear Mak screams.

"Aik, sepanjang jaga Ija tak pernah dengan Mak menjerit. Kali ini menjerit pulak."
"Anak Ija ni nak kena jerit baru dengar. Kalau tak jerit tadi, ada yang jatuh tangga."

Hahaha...so tak salahlah kan kalau Ibu jadi commando kat rumah tu.

Back to Mak, we are trying to make her happy as much as we can though we know it could not replace the tender, loving and care given by Abah. Special days like her birthday and Mothers' Day we will celebrate with her..either by treating her for dinner or buy her something special.

My Mothers' Day Gift - DIY specially for Mak

My Mak Pontian

The first time I met her was during my convocation 9 years ago.

That time me and Hubby are just friends. Kau dan Aku type of friend. But I've known all of my close university friends' parents (including me it's 6 of us). Kalau tak pernah jumpa live pun, at least I've picked up one of their phonecalls when we were in Aussie. These parents seemed to know, if the boys are not at their home, then they must be at the girls' house, so they will call them there. Yeah, at that time handphone is a luxurious item.

Plus, the 6 of us during our 3 years in Aussie usually talked about our personal life including what it was like growing up with their parents.

So when I finally met my future mother, it was like we've known each other for so long. She must have known me from Hubby (harapnya dia tahu cerita-cerita baik jelah..hehe). In fact, our parents have also become good friends. So, if me and Hubby do not marry each other, Mak Ampang and Mak Pontian will always be close friends. Just like the way Mak Ampang does with Nissa, Sheila and Atan's parents (cuma Radzi's je yang tak rapat coz he himself pun has been away from Malaysia for so long).

Mak Pontian is 65 this year. She marries late but got Hubby during the first year of their marriage. The thing that makes me comfortable with Mak Pontian is she is a Johorean, so there's not much different in terms of language, food and culture. Plus, she's an easy-going type. She is not as sensitive as Mak Ampang. If you forgot to do something that she asked for, she'll just say 'takpelah'.

One thing that I respect her most is her efficient time management in managing the household. By 11.00 am lunch is readily cooked, by 6.00 pm dinner is ready. So, you can have your lunch and dinner at exact time everyday. If you say you are going to leave the house at 10 a.m, she'll make sure she's ready by then. Her time management is superb! And that's where Hubby got this quality traits from. And naturally, he expects me to be like his mother and him! Gosh!

I was brought up in a very lenient way when it comes to time management. Kalau Abah cakap nak balik kampung pukul 9 pagi, pukul 11 pagi baru bertolak. Mak pulak, kadang2 settle masak lunch pukul 12.30, kadang2 1.30..or later than that...

No one makes a big fuss out of it...in my Ampang family.

But things are different in my Pontian family. When I marry Hubby, he expects me to keep up with the time. I got to know this from the time we were engaged coz there's this one time, Mak Pontian actually 'tegur' me through Hubby by saying "suruh Ija tu cepat sikit. Ini belum nanti ada anak." MasyaAllah! Pedihnya...but that was the moment that I make a vow to myself to change and be punctual because I know that be on time is very crucial to my Pontian's side of family.

Another thing, Mak Pontian does not sleep much. She will only doze of to sleep at night (usually in front of TV) to wake up 3 or 4 hours later, and starts doing housechores. So, that's another thing that sampai sekarang I could not catch up. How can me yang kuat dan suka tidur adjust to this type of sleeping pattern? I can be very cranky! But I guess Mak Pontian has got used to the fact that menantu dia yang seorang ni (well, the only menantu yang dia ada buat masa ni) pentingkan tidur yang cukup untuk menjadi seorang ibu dan isteri yang efektif..hehe..

Unlike Mak Ampang, Mak Pontian is rather talkative. He can greet almost anyone...either at the kampung itself, or at pasar malam, or in town...everyone in the Pontian seems to know who Makcik Rahmah is.

But one thing that Mak Pontian and Mak Ampang have in common now is that both are single parents. Mak Pontian lost her husband 9 years ago. It was a tough arrangement for Hubby to make when it comes to managing his family. Unlike Mak Ampang who lives about 5 mins away from us, Mak Pontian lives alone, far away from the buzzing main road (about 4 kms inside). Our kampung house was located about 200 metres away from the neighbours, seperated by big trees which makes their houses hardly visible to us. We were contemplating on taking an Indonesian maid to accompany Mak, but upon discussing with her, she refused to have one. "Lagi bahaya, kita bukan boleh percaya orang yang kita tak kenal." We buy her reason. So things remain unsolved, until one day, Pak Lang (Mak's brother) extended an offer to rent his house that is located at the heart of Pontian town.

Now Mak Pontian lives at her rented house which is just in-front of her brother's. That gives us a peace of mind knowing the fact that she is safe and sound. So our kampung house will only be opened for Raya or everytime we balik kampung.

So being single, both my mothers are pretty close to each other. Mak Pontian usually comes to KL to visit us (since we hardly go back to kampung because Hubby has classes on weekends) and since we are working, Mak Ampang and Mak Pontian will enjoy each other company like good old inseperable friends.


All in all, my life is blessed for having two good mothers. A biological mother who is always there for me and a mother-in-law treats me just like her own daughter (just as I treat her as my own mother).

The thing is I can't imagine my life without them around...