Where is this ship heading to? - Part 2

Referring to Part 1, I mentioned that my goal for now is to obtain my long service award.

Why is that so?

You see, beginning of this year, I have this intention to retire early and become a stay-at-home mum. Well, this intention is always at the back of my mind since I became a mother 6 years ago. In fact, when I read through my archives, I saw this interesting tagged that I did way back in 2005 and somehow have this envision of me being working at home mother at the age of 38.

When I was a lot younger, the thought of becoming someone who stays at home and look after her kids 24/7 never came across my mind at all. Instead, I see myself as someone successful in climbing the corporate ladder. Someone at the age of 40 has become a head of department, leading about 20 or so subordinates. Angan-angan mat jenin..

But only one thing uncertain at that time. I don't know what I want to be. Doctor is definitely out of the story...what more in becoming a celebrity...haha..

You see, when I completed my SRP (Form 3), accounting is not something that I would love to pursue. My interest was in Science..Math and Science to be exact. I wanted to take Pure Science when I was in Form 4 (despite me hating Biology subject). But Abah insisted I took Accounting subject. So when I was offered a place in MRSM I took Applied Science - dropped Biology and take Accounting instead.

At that point of time, I did not have the slightest idea of what Accounting is (I'm not in commerce stream when I was in Form 3), so the notion of taking Accounting in Form 4 cringed me. Kena-kena pulak cikgu yang ajar tu assume all of us have basic in accounting. Come on man, I don't even know the difference between assets and liabilities..what more double entry...

I flung the first quiz we had. It was my first failure, so it hit me really bad. I cried hard, almost gave up on the subject. I called Abah all the way from Terengganu, blaming him for forcing me to take the subject. But I remembered Abah being so calm and convinced me that I am bright enough to master the subject. Then the good side of me took place..I put extra effort to catch up with the rest of the students. Pergi menuntut dengan kawan-kawan yang pandai, forced the teacher to have a one-to-one personal coaching session with me. It's not long before I managed to grasp the subject really well.

Despite the better score in Accounting, my love was still in Physics and Chemistry (and Additional Maths). With my trial result, I was offered to pursue my study in Canada, doing engineering course. I was happy for the news, but Abah was not. He wanted me to continue in Accounting..in Universiti Malaya to be exact. What??!!

We had a great argument that night. I said I want to pursue study outside Malaysia.

"How about Singapore?" I remember Abah saying.
"Singapore? Taknaklah...dah selalu pergi..and what with you and UM?"
"Abah fikir UM adalah yang terbaik. I can buy you a car if you study in UM."
"I don't want a car. I want to go to Canada. Not everyone got this kind of opportunity." "Canada is too far."

I'm in the verge of crying at that time. I guess Abah saw the huge disappointment of my face, so he then compromised...

"Ok, kalau nak study overseas jugak, the furthest you can go is Australia..and buat Accounting ye, nak. Abah kalau boleh nak Ija jadi Accountant."

So Accounting it is...in Australia...Now that I think of it, kalau pergi Canada, mesti tak jumpa Hubby..hehehe...

And then worked in a Bank...a development Bank..because Abah refused to let me work in a commercial Bank. It's a lot more pressure, he said, especially when you are at a revenue center.

So like I said, been there done that for the past 10 years...

Now back to the original topic, with the current turbulence and the not-so-nice working environment, I want to pursue my new dream. The goal to become a work-at-home mom, just in time to be there for Ashraff when he enters the mainstream school. Though one thing is always at the back of my mind - if Abah is still around, he would definitely go against me in this. And just like before, I would buy his reasons and follow what he said.

But looking at the ship I'm boarding now, it is going to sink anytime soon if the captain is still uncertain of its direction. So before it does, it's better if I jump to a new ship fast. But I need to grab some token from the current ship first i.e. my long service award first which I hope to obtain before the ship sinks...

In the meantime, an employment agency called me up to set me for an interview. This has drived me to update my CV which hasn't been updated for the longest time. Now that everything is updated, the thought came into my mind...hey, why don't I test the market and see what's I'm worth now?