Missing him!

Hubby is currently in China. He has been there for almost two weeks. This shall be the longest outstation trip so far, which is about one month.

Or 3 1/2 weeks to be exact.

Oh, when u named it as "week" instead of "month" it sounds and feels better. Sounds shorter and more bearable.

The family misses him. Especially dear Ashraff. At first, he kept on asking "where's Ayah?" And I have to tell him again and again that Ayah is working in China. And then, everytime he hears the clicking sound of the hubby's car, he will ask "Siapa tu?". From the look on his face, he wanted it so much that the answer is "Ayah", thus when the answer is the opposite, he looked dissappointed. In the first few days after Hubby left, Ashraff had problem dozing off. I asked him "Ashraff rindu kat ayah ke?". Dia cakap "A'ah." "Ashraff tak boleh tidur sebab ingat ayah ke?" "A'ah." I almost cried.

You see, Ashraff is closer to his Ayah when I got Aliff. Dia rasa diri dia macam hilang tempat bergantung when Aliff was born, so he turned to Hubby for love and affection. From there on, it's always Ayah this and that. Ayah tidurkan dia. Ayah buat susu dia. Ayah tukar baju dia.

So when Ayah goes outstation, inilah jadinya. Cuma this time around, it's a bit too long. Ashraff pun demam. Maybe sebab kerinduan, maybe jugak sebab the weather. But he's recovering well.

Oh, Hubby might be reading this blog in China, so I don't want to worry him too much, coz I know he misses us as well there. And I'm sure he is counting days to see us. Betol tak, Hubby dearie?

As for myself, I took this chance as a golden opportunity to be independent. To build up the courage and knowledge to take up Hubby's role in his absence. After all, like what Hubby always said, this action is called "Risk Management" - managing risk in your life, coz you can't tell what's going to happen in the future. It feels great whenever I accomplished something that I've never done before - something which I always depend on Hubby or my father to do it. But that does not mean I do not miss Hubby. Obviously, I do. Very much. So don't worry ok hubs?

Ok now, it's time to go back home...so long....

Election '08

Never give a damn about politics. Never care to find out who wins what seat. Never know the importance of an ADUN to represent the people. That is how ignorance I was to the Malaysian politics. But that was before. This year the battle is so interesting that it keeps me awake all night just to see the outcome of Election 2008.

The result was outrageous and against the norm. Even the most predictable thing like 100% win for blue-and-white “dacing” people in the state down-under proves to be wrong.

It has to be the worst record ever documented in the history of the “dacing” party. No doubt in the last 5 decades, they have done their level best in taking up the role of the government. But in this 12-th general election, they have taken the wrong tactics in winning the people’s heart. Arrogance has pulled them down. Overexposure in the mainstream media has made the voters, especially urban voters, very angry. Not to mention their policies and decisions that affect the bread-and-butter of the citizens. It reflects the unfairness in Malaysian politics..and err..corruption. Well, let’s not delve into the latter here coz that’s one hot and sensitive issue to discuss.

The ‘dacing’ people has to learn from the cue given by the people and improve from there on. They might have been in their comfort seats all this while, so to learn that what happened is actually resulted from themselves, must be something hard to do. Personally, I would say that the result is derived from “vote of no confidence” to the government, and not because the people has sided the opposition. So if the “dacing” can replant the confidence in its people, I am sure they can make amend the whole situation.

All in all, they are still choosen as the government. I have nothing against it. But now, we have a balanced parliament, with the opposition taken more than 1/3 of the seats. Thus, decision making is not as easy as before. Persidangan pun takdelah macam meeting kawan-kawan. I love the fact that there is a check and balance in Malaysian politics. I hope with this, our rights and say are heard, and anticipates this to be the best for us Malaysian citizens.

If it proves to be wrong, than we could rectify this problem in the 13th General Election.

The Fear in Me

The only time I listen to the radio is in the car. My favourite time of the day is in the morning, on the way to the office and usually we tune in to the Light FM. They will have this section called “Plug the hole”, followed by traffic update, and then the news and some financial tips in “Smart Money”. Later, the radio announcers will come out with a topic for discussion, and listeners got to call in to give their views.

There’s one morning when the announcer listed down some of celebrities’ greatest fears – e.g. Justin Timberlake is scared of snakes and tigers (who doesn’t?) and Carmen Electra is afraid of water (what is she doing starring in Baywatch if she’s scared of water?). Then the announcers opened up the line for callers with a question “What is your greatest fear in life?”

My answer will be “Death”.
Poyonya lah jawapan…semua orang takut mati.
But yeah, I’m indeed scared of the “D” word.
Not so much of me dying and died. But my loved ones’ death - being separated permanently from my loved ones.

There is too much tragedy being reported in the news – accidents involved family members, kids gone missing etc – that makes me thinking “What if I’m in their shoes? What would I feel? How do I cope with that kind of situation?”

Almost everyday, May Abah will send us to work up to the front gate (followed by their prayers). Lately, whenever I saw them bid us farewell, I always have this thought “One day, they’ll leave me for good. Can I leave without them around?” It gives me a shudder everytime I think of it.

For instance, what if Mak is no longer around? Eventhough I’m married, I still very much depended on her…for words of wisdom, for motivation, for hugs and kisses coz no one understands me better than Mak. Ashraff is also fond of his Tok Mak. I still remember when Mak when for Umrah and he asked me to draw Ultraman. Seriously, I’m bad at drawing so the comment I got from Ashraff was “Ibu tak pandai draw Ultraman. Tok Mak je pandai.” Well boy, Tok Mak is not going to be forever with us you know. I guess that’s one of the reasons we want to move to our new house – so that my kids do not depend too much on their grandparents and will be heart-broken once they are gone.

And Abah. Though we always argue (sebab dua-dua panas baran and dua-dua nak menang), I still can’t imagine my life without him. The ever supportive father I've known. The wise one. The leader in the family who navigates the family well. He has that cheeky smile (which Ashraff got it from) which I know I’ll miss seeing once he is no longer around.

And then there is Hubby. He only enters my life 5 years ago, but to be separated permanently from him by way of death, is something unbearable and far-reaching. Living a life of a single parent is full of hardship – financially, emotionally and physically. I can get a glimpse of it whenever Hubby went for work outstation, and even in that temporary situation, I could not stand of not seeing and having him around.

Another one will be my mother-in-law. Although I could not feel her presence everyday (as she lives far away), but it still does not stop me from thinking – what is the impact on my life if she’s not around? Of course, it will affect hubby emotionally and that alone will have indirect impact on me. And then, Hubby being the eldest, and moi the eldest daughter-in-law, I know I have to take up the role of “Kak Long” in the family – handling all the family’s major affair, raya, wedding, kenduri – when MIL is no longer around. That will be one hell of a major task for someone who’s not use to that position.

And then there is my two angels – Ashraff and Aliff. What if Allah decided to take them away from me? Meaning which, I witness the day when they were born till the day they die. Omigod! People will usually express their sympathy whenever a baby is still born, or died few hours after birth. Yup, memang sedih. But for me, it will be more depressing should your child err..died..when they are bigger. The longer they are in our lives, the harder it is to be separated from them. A lot more good memories with them.

I don’t know. Maybe I think too much about something that you can’t measure presently. Something that won’t take you anywhere. But hey, am I the only one? Have you given a thought about this?

Their individual soul

I've been drafting this post everyday for the last one week. Can't find time to do it one shot. Apart from that, I've somesort of mental blogging with lots and lots of things I want to blog about...if and only if I got the time.

Anyway, after reading my previous post, I really think it’s fair for me to blog about my two tykes individually (can't get enough of them), so that as I look back at this entry in the years to come, I would know their development as at this date. Those previous phases that shall pass and never could be re-visited. So, here goes…

Ashraff

What I would like to remember about him as at todate is his schooling days and the effect on him as a person. You see, Ashraff’s day care giver is his grandparents and our maid, and he’s confined in a familiar surrounding all the time, which is our house. He doesn’t have a schedule to begin with. He can wake up anytime he wants, sleep and eat whenever and whatever he wants, demand unnecessary stuff and most of the times succeeded because either Tok Mak or Tok Abah will get it for him. His life was never regulated. It’s him and only his words count. Pretty hard to bend “his rule”, especially with the short temperament that he got.

Thus, going to school every day was not a smooth journey to start with. The first two days was okay, just as per my previous entry. But after that, it was tough to make him go to school, and it wasn’t me who has to bear it everyday. It was my mother and father (and my maid).

Not every grandparent has the strong heart to do so, especially when grandchildren are concerned. But alhamdulillah, in this situation, Mak was different. She’ll make sure Ashraff goes to school everyday. Nangis pun nangislah. She’ll still force him to go.

Due to tahap mogok yang agak kritikal, Ashraff refused to cooperate in class. How did we find out? From Ashraff himself. He told us, “Semua orang nyanyi, Ashraff sorang je tak nyanyi.” And everytime we asked him what song or what alphabet/number he learns in school, he’ll give us the same answer everyday – “tak tahu.” And as told earlier, Ashraff kept on refraining himself from peeing in school.

I am worried that this situation will continue, so all I could do is pray. And alhamdulillah, my prayer was answered when after more than one week of crying, he suddenly change to a better person. He is eager and excited to go to school. He’ll wake up on his own and ever willing to change to his school uniform. He has started doing his ‘business’ at school so he now wears no diaper to school.

He has started to sing to us all the songs he learns at school together with the action. He now knows how to differentiate between a boy and a girl, and knows what every colour at the traffic light means. Something which we never have the time to teach him before.

At times there was a sudden gush of “saya” dan “awak” when he was talking to Aliff. It sounds weird and funny, but I guess that indicates the way he communicates with his friends at school. I know that his social skills improves when he starts mentioning some of his friends’ names – John, Girish, Haziq and Farhan – when he talks about school.
“Takde girl ke?”
“Ashraff kan boy. Ashraff kawan dengan boy je lah,” he answered nonchalantly.

I also noticed some positive change in the discipline department. It is easier to negotiate with him now. He suits well with the “Time-Out” method, whereby if he makes one mistake or refuse to follow instruction, I’ll ask him to stand at one corner until he feels sorry for what he did. I tried that before with him but it didn’t work out. He also knows how to keep his toys back to where it belongs if we asked him to. And also make sure that his shoes are put at its designated area whenever he takes it off. Takdelah buat kepala degil dia macam dulu.

He also shows sudden sign of empathy. Like the other day, I fell down right in the middle of a crowd in Danga Bay, Johor. Sakit dan malu. But it was all wiped away when Ashraff asked me “Are you okay?” It caught me at suprise and I almost cried. Sebelum ni, dia akan buat dek je when I’m in pain. Then, I can see that he asked similar question to Aliff whenever he sees Aliff in pain.

Having a conversation with him is a lot of fun. He can argue with you now. And he can asked you lots and lots of questions yang cukup menguji kepintaran ku sebagai seorang dewasa. He amazes me with his knowledge and also his extensive vocabulary, both Malay and English. Gone were the days when we have to force him to sleep. Now he can just doze off anytime he wants to…with ease. I guess going to school tires him down.

One thing about Ashraff that I noticed, he is good when it comes to music. He appreciates music. He can catch the rhythm of a song in flash, and later memorize its lyrics, be it in English, Malay or Japanese (ni kes lagu Ultraman, Shuriken School, Ninja Boy etc). At one time, he took his piggy bank full of coins, and jiggled that thing to a familiar rhythm. I volunteered to become the singer, so both of us became a mother & son duo for the night. I don’t know whether this is good or not, but I definitely oppose to the notion of him becoming a singer.

Ashraff is a big boy already..and he seems to grow and mature overnight. I guess sending him to school really helps to discipline and teach him to become independent. Then again, he still acts as any 3 1/2 year old will do. He still throws tantrums occasionally. He still fights with Aliff. And he still could not share some of his toys. He is also still on bottle. I still have no idea how to wean him. But as at now, it is not a major concern.

Now I have to deal with another toddler in the making..and his name is Aliff.

Aliff

Oh where do I start? Too many things to update. I think I better do it in point form.

• Tantrums, tantrums, tantrums. My 15 month old boy can definitely express his dissatisfaction by whining, screaming dan menghempaskan badannya ke lantai seperti ikan atas darat. I’m still finding ways on how to handle his tantrums. The “Distraction Tactic” which works well with Ashraff, does not work effectively with Aliff. He is very focus, I may say. If he wants that thing, it’s only that and nothing else.




• At the age of 15 month, Aliff knows how to hold pencil/pen perfectly like any adults do. I think he must have got it from his brother. And just like Ashraff, he also loves to scribble, and I’m trying to make sure he does that only on paper.




• He can also dance to any tune, but his dance is funny. It’s more of like marching, rather than dancing.




• His vocabulary is wide, compared to his brother at this age. The thing about Aliff he loves to imitate the word that comes out from anyone’s mouth, esp his brother’s. And dia jenis main hentam je. So he’s quite “pelat”. Unlike him, Ashraff is a perfectionist. If he can’t utter the word perfectly, he’ll not say it at all. So that’s why he’s slower when it comes to talking, but when he does, it was perfect. Some of Aliff’s vocab as at todate:-

Cat
Dog
Bird
Ball
Bu – Ibu
Bibik
Abah – Tok Abah
Nak –Hendak
Nanak – Tak nak (Ashraff dulu mat salleh sikit sebab dia cakap “No”)
Chuchu – susu (bottle/breastfeed)
Bukak
Tutup
Amik – Ambik
Abang
Pyman – Spiderman
Donald Duck (perfect! But got mix up with Mickey Mouse)
Shek – Shrek
Onkey – Donkey
Wabbit – Rabbit
Car
Tetit – Sakit
Akut – Takut
Banak – Banyak
Num – Minum
Atuh – Jatuh
Tekan – (suruh kita tekan suis bukak lampu)
Baby
Bayee – Barney

I think banyak lagi but tu je yang I can recall as at now.

• He hates formula. So I still have to pump in the office. My BM is running low, so he has to be supplemented. My maid uses a cup and straw to make him drink formula. He’ll take a little.




• Gigi? I tak tahu berapa batang yang dah ada. It’s pretty hard to see how much teeth he’s got with his small pouting lips. And he refused to let us open his mouth to see his teeth. But from a quick glimpse, I think he has about 8 teeth. Pretty slow in this department, I think.




• He’s still a restless sleeper. He’ll wake up few times at night. Thank God I’m breastfeeding, so I don’t really mind at all. Cuma when he’s teething, he’ll become more restless, and will wake up almost every hour. Menguji kesabaran di situ.




• So far, alhamdulillah, dia payah nak menjangkit bila the whole house sakit, and shall recover fast should he’s sick. Ashraff pun dulu macam tu jugak. Seldom sakit masa kecik, but now, almost every two weeks selsema. I think if you don’t build the antibody when you’re smaller (i.e sakit will build antibody), you’re bound to kerap sakit as u gets bigger. I hope Aliff has stronger antibody.

Ok, hubby is here. Gotta go. Till my next post, taaa....

My Two Lil Angels

It’s been a while since I blog about them. So, expect a loooong entry this time around. More of it is just for my own personal record.

Ashraff vs Aliff (sorry Eiseai, curi idea you for this sub-heading)

Even when I'm pregnant with Aliff, I have somesort of an instinct that the two will be different in terms of characters, judging from the "action" in my tummy. My instinct is right. Here's to sum up some of their differences, right from my pregnancy days:-

1. Ashraff in the tummy - moving actively in the tummy throughout the day. Aliff in the tummy - not that active and I can tell when he's having his nap.

2. Ashraff in tummy - from 12 am and above, hardly any movement. I got a peaceful sleep. True enough, he was a good night baby. Aliff in tummy - active at night, so I know he's not a good night sleeper. True, he's a restless sleeper. Makes all sorts of sounds at night that makes me want to check on him all the time.

3. Ashraff in tummy - pregnancy was a breeze. Aliff in tummy - Quite a bad first trimester, from spotting to thruout-the-day sickness.

4. Ashraff - can latch on (breastfeed) easily. An active nurser. Aliff - took him some time to learn the art of breastfeeding. A lazy one. Will fall asleep everytime he latched on, and will wake up the minute I put him down.

5. Ashraff - a demanding baby. Kuat nangis from day one. Masa dalam pantang cam serik nak beranak lagi. It was so intense and highly stressful during the day (malam dia tidur). The only place that makes him nap longer is on my chest, so I can have a rest too. He sleeps on my chest till he's a giant 6-mo baby. He needs to be carried all the time.

Aliff - a relatively easy baby, alhamdulillah.

6. Ashraff - may be a demanding baby at first. But as he grew up, he was easier to handle. Aliff - works the other way around. Demanding as he gets older.

7. Ashraff - fairly easy to train him to use car seat. Aliff - sampai sekarang will cry and scream as we strap him in car seat.

8. Ashraff - loves stroller. Aliff - hates stroller, loves baby sling. Till now, we are using the sling to carry him around.

9. Ashraff - loves to be center of attention. Loves the crowd. Aliff - clingy. Stress je bila nampak ramai orang.

10. Ashraff - A picky eater. At one time, he only depends on milk (I think I blogged about it long time ago). Aliff - loves to eat, tolak batu & kayu je. Itupun hari tu, sikit lagi dia nak makan batu.

11. Ashraff - loud. Aliff - the quiet type.

12. Ashraff - could not sit still, what more focus. Aliff - can focus a lot longer.

13. Ashraff - soft skills (living skills) ada slow sikit - pandai bukak pintu at the age of 2 1/2 yo, pandai bukak kasut pun lebih kurang 2 1/2, can only eat with his own hands at the age of 2 and using fork and spoon at the age of 3. Sampai sekarang tak pandai pakai seluar sendiri or kasut sendiri. Pedal bicycle pun tak tahu lagi.

Aliff - relatively fast in this area. Except for pedal bicycle and pakai baju sendiri, the rest dia dah pandai.

Because they are so different in every way (even the looks), I am now expecting everything to be the opposite so I have to get ready with tactics and ways to handle it should Aliff meets my expectation, for e.g.

1. Ashraff - only scribble on paper. Aliff - maybe he'll scribble on wall, sofa etc. (Omigod!)

2. Ashraff - No seperation anxiety on first day of school. Aliff - maybe he'll cry and cry..and I have to berkampung kat sekolah itu utk beberapa hari?

Negative betullah Ibu ni!

Ashraff & Aliff

Although they differ in terms of characters and development, they are still brothers.

They adore each other. They are inseperable.

Ashraff loves to give smooches on Aliff's tembun cheeks. And Aliff will show his affection by coming to Ashraff and shove his head to Ashraff’s face. More of like trying to kiss his brother but in quite a rough way.

If one saw the other lying down, he'll come and lie down too. And they will hold hands.

The adik will follow his brother. If they brother jump on the bed (which I don't quite like), the adik will jump too. So they jump together. Two lil cheeky monkeys on my bed, jumping and laughing. Really make my day!

If the brother read book, the adik will try to get a book (usually the same book the brother is reading), so they read book together. If it's of the same book, then Ashraff will "read" to his brother, and his brother will try to imitate the words Ashraff says. Of course, that's is when the brother is in good mood to share. Or else...berentaplah apa lagi.

They'll play together. They're most favourite place is under the dining table. Actually masa kecik dulu Ashraff tak pandai main bawah meja, but since Aliff loves to play under there, Ashraff tags along.

Their secret hiding place is always the walk-in cabinet inside my room. They'll both sneak in, and when they're in, I usually can't hear a sound. So, after few seconds, I got scared, and tried to open the door. And I found them both lying on the floor, having lots of fun. There's this one time Ashraff says to Aliff "Ibu's coming. Syhhhh....". And I'll pretend I didn't know where they are by saying "Where's Ashraff? Where's Aliff?". And I can hear them giggling inside the cabinet. Usually the adik will break free, and come running to me. Then Abang will be frustrated and said "Alaaa...Aliff ni tak pandailah....".

Now, Ashraff loves to comb his brother's hair. "Hair Aliff ni macam girl lah. Macam Rina kat dalam Ultraman Tiga (the heroin). Ashraff pulak macam Diego (the Ultraman himself)". That's the usual remark given by Ashraff.

Those were my best moments..my stress reliever after a hard day at work. No amount of massage or relflexeology could beat that.

But of course, those were the good moments. How about the not-so-nice part?

The not-so-nice part involves a fight, screaming and whining of a 3 yo and 1 yo boys.

Ashraff was known to be the biggest bully in the house, and to Aliff especially. But now, Aliff knows how to play equal. He can defend for his right. And he can even bully Ashraff in return.

He wants almost anything that is in Ashraff’s hands, eventhough it is exactly the same looking toys or pencil or whatever. Nope, we can’t substitute with anything else. Either Ashraff has to give up, or Aliff will continue screaming for that thing. Berentap dengan abang dia. Pening kepala makcik!

He is also a great destroyer when it comes to almost anything, and yang selalu jadi mangsa is Ashraff’s toys or books. Kejap-kejap tercabut kaki, kejap-kejap hilang tayar, kejap-kejap koyak and lagi worst, pecah berderai terus. For the past 3 years, the book is in condition. Sampai kat tangang Aliff, bang! terburai. Ashraff goes berserk everytime that happens. The short-tempered brother will push Aliff till he falls down..and sometimes bang his head on the table sharp edges (!). But that lil boy hardly cries. Dengan muka dek, dia akan bangun and cuba ambik barang tu semula. Ibu goes berserk as well…hahaha…

Well, I guess the love-hate relationship is normal between siblings. Cuma I need to improve myself on how I can handle the "hate" part. I'm currently reading a book "Raising Boys" loaned by my friend. Interesting...and a must have for parents with boys. Probably it can help me in raising my two boys in a more healthy environment. I just wish I have more time with them to really understand them.

Oh, I just hang my boys picture in this small cubicle of mine in the office. It's indeed a stress reliever and a source for motivation for me. It also makes me want to go back home..like right now!

Events in January, Blog in February

4 days holiday was a bliss. It gives me enough time to recuperate my energy, although I do wish it could be longer. So I hope no more depressing entry like my last one. It sounds pathetic when I re-read it today…haha. Anyway, here are some of my long past events which I think I ought to blog about it.

….About our new house

We took the keys to our house on 5th January 2007. We were both excited to see the house, eventhough it was entirely empty. Mak and Abah share the joy with us. And Ashraff too. He just loves the echoing sound of an empty house.

Now we are scratching our heads on how to finance the renovation cost. Our pockets are shallow, and renovation is costly. Even building kitchen cabinets costs a bomb. What are we thinking when we thought of hiring an ID consultant before? Now we have to ponder on decorating the house on our own. Not that we can’t do it. But we need some professional help in some areas…like colour coordination and decorative items. Any FOC advise here?:)

…About our 5th Anniversary

It’s on 17th January this year. I can’t believe it. We were married for half a decade! How time flies!

Usually for anniversary, we do not have the exchange of gifts ritual. That’s exclusively for birthdays only. Finding gifts for the same person twice a year is a lot of hassle…haha.
So for anniversary, we only dine out in some exclusive restaurant.

Except this year, I decided to celebrate it with our special 5th Anniversary cake. So I ordered Hubby’s all-time favourite cake – the yummylicious baked cheese cake – without Hubby’s knowledge. Hubby was happy and surprised to see the lovely cake.

We had a simple cake-cutting ceremony right after dinner (that explains why we didn't dress out properly).

Then only yesterday we both had the chance to dine out at LeMeridian's fine dining restaurant. The food is superb! Thanks to ChefAyie who made the meal extra special for both of us (and also great discount on the meal..haha).

I’m thankful that after 5 years of marriage we are blessed with two adorable boys and still a happy marriage life. Alhamdulillah.

That's it for now. I really want to blog about my two lil cherub, but I guess that'll take quite some time and I don't have extra left. Shall do in my next post. Till then, tata...

Added just a few seconds ago:-

"Thanks a lot for the positive comments for my last post. When I blogged about it, I feel partly relieve from my daily stressful life, but when I got the motivation and word of encouragement from my fellow bloggers, it really boost my energy! It makes me feel that my life doesn't suck big time like I used to think it was...Thanks, thanks!"

All work and no play....

...makes me a dull woman.

Ok. Let me see...

Option 1 : Ask for a transfer of department. (But to where?)
Option 2 : Tender resignation (But who’s going to pay my loan?)
Option 3 : Enrol in a stress management course (is this effective?)

I’m tired. Dead tired.

Work has been tremendously challenging in this new department. I work productively for full 8 hours, even beyond that. Everyday is an intense and highly stress moment. Everything URGENT. This one on my desk After about one month in this department, I ended up having headache almost everyday, towards evening. I think I better check my BP.

There was this one time where I actually broke down and cry. Could not take it any longer. It doesn’t help when all my female collegues are still single, thus, I could not share with them the situation I’m in. Me, a married woman with two kids, having to juggle between a demanding full-time job and an equally tough parenting task. I’m not sure whether I can be good at both when my mental and physical energy have been sucked out from my body system. Letihnya…

I wanted to blog about this misery long before today…just so that I could let go some of the boiling pressure I have inside. And as I am writing this, I feel like crying. Never for the entire 8 years working in this corporate world had I feel such burden. Partly because I devote more than half of my day doing something which I don’t quite like doing.

One thing for sure, I can’t let this thing from prolonging. It will effect my role as wife and mother…and it will definitely affect my health. Hmmm….what should I do?

Busy!

Dear Blog,

I think I shall be neglecting you for a while...or for an indefinite time. Life has been pretty busy in this new department I'm in. Workload is tremendously heavy due to the following reasons:-

1. I'm still in the process to learn and get to know the clients I shall be handling - the background, the problem, the modus operandi and the status of the accounts. Thus, it takes time for me to process any of their requests. So, as you can see, the backlog is pilling up, and I really don't have a clue how I'm gonna finish it.

2. We are having data migration now. We are gonna chuck out the old system and implement a new one. Thus, we have to do the data migration even during the weekends. My family time is basically ripped off!

3. This new department I'm in, the support staff i.e. the clerical sucks big time. Attitude problem. One is slower than a snail. Another, kaki mengular and always missing in action. And another one, extremely rude. I don't know why the bad ones are placed under the same roof. Must be a karma or something. Thus, I have to do the simple clerical job on top of my already heavy workload. Makcik cam nak pitam, okay?!

Well, let's just put it in one word....OVERWORK! That's the best word to describe the situation I'm in currently. So, I do not have time to do other things including blogging. I'll be working late almost every day...and over the weekends as well. Feel like crying and shouting at the same time. Huwaaaa!!

Then again, every cloud has a silver lining. I hope that things won't last forever. One, I hope I can catch up fast and do my work more efficiently. Two, I hope the HR will look into the possibility of changing the support staffs....Three, worst come to worst, if the situation prevails, I shall ask for a transfer..hahaha..

As at now, I can't promise when I'll blog again. Or bloghopping. I know I shall be missing doing so...especially cathing up with the juicy stories from my fellow bloggers. I'll succumb myself to work..and only work. What a dull life this going to be..huwaaaa!!

Oh, despite that, I can still find time to update my other window...hehe. My fellow blog readers, please check out CMOG's cheaper version of personalized chocolate wrapper and our promotion for school's newspaper!

So long now, do take care..and till we meet again.

Love,
Rafiqah.

It's First Day of School!

Yesterday was Ashraff's first day of school. Was I emotional? Of course I am! Seeing him wearing a unifrom is totally unbelievable. I can't believe I am a mother of a schooling kid. Okay, probably a lil bit exaggerating as he is only in kindergarten, but hey..every mother will feel the same way as I do.

By 7.30 am, he was wide awake. I guess he was excited as well. Had his milk. I had to warn him that he'll not be getting any milk until the school is over, so he better finishes up his milk. Ashraff is a heavy milk drinker, so I'm a tad worry that he could not focus well should he does not get his dose of milk from 8am to 12pm. However, I believe he should be fine. It takes a lil bit of adjustment, initially.

Anyway, the day went out well. Ashraff suits the new environment well, as expected. He didn't even look back at me the moment he has entered the classroom. By the way, Ashraff's class consists of 13 students - 6 boys, 7 girls. A well-mixed class - Chinese, Indian and Malay (and one African kid). By right, I could just leave him since he's doing fine. But the mother in me really wants to have a glimpse of what he's doing in class. So there I was with few other mothers, peeping in the window to see what's going on. Of course, there are few kids who are crying, but Ashraff has been talking to the teacher. Asking the teacher 1001 questions, and him being him, just could not sit still at one spot. At about 9.30, I left the school.

The first two days (yesterday and today) are the orientation days for the kids, just to let them settle in. So the day just ends at 11 am instead of 12 pm. Yesterday, Ashraff was completely fatigue as I fetched him from school. Monyok sekali mamat tu! Balik rumah, tukar baju, drank 8oz of milk and terus tidur. Bangun tidur, dia cakap "Ashraff penatlah.." Erk! I was scared he refuse to go to school the next day. Alhamdulillah, he's still excited to go. He looked a lot more cheerful as the school ends.

Another thing that I noticed is Ashraff tahan from peeing at school. Balik rumah terus membuang. Erk! This is not good. The teacher did ask every now and then who wants to go to toilet, but Ashraff refused to go. Emmm...my plan is to have a chat with the teacher after one month if this thing prolongs.

Anyway, proper classes shall start next week. The school gives me a 8-week planner, so that I could keep track on what Ashraff learns in school. Thus, we parents could ask a more specific question instead of the general like "What do u learn in school?". Next week, they'll learn about boy and girl. Oh, I hope Ashraff knows how to differentiate between the two as he's still very much confused..and it does not help as he has a brother who is of the same gender..har, har, har.

Some pictures of Ashraff on his first day of school...

Dari "Bungalow" Ke "Teres"

Inilah padahnya kalau sesorang itu berpindah dari ruang yang lebih besar kepada ruang yang lebih kecik...dia tak tahu mana nak sumbat barang dia yang banyak tu!

Inilah yang terjadi pada diriku sekarang ini...

As you know, today will my last day working in my beloved room. The landlord i.e the Bank has decided to rent it out to other person. So from a room with 6 doors built-in cabinet, I'm left with merely a cubicle, which is already packed with lots and lots of files. Now I don't know where to put two boxes full of my personal files, which mainly contains of modules and handouts I received from all the trainings and courses that I attended to before. Sayang nak buang, as you might not know when you'll need them again. Plus bahan ilmu tidak elok untuk dibuang begitu sahaja. Like the souvenirs and all the decorative items, I think I have to put it in another box and bawak balik rumah. Memenuhkan stor Mak yang memang sedia ada penuh.

Oh, if you think I'm down-graded, nope I'm not. I'm still the executive cabuk kat ini Bank. Cumanya my former branch is treated differently. We were given a room each, kononnya nak compensate the heavy workloads and responsibilities yang ada.

Now that I'm moving to a new branch, kenalah tinggalkan priviledge yang ada. Cumanya after working here for the past 2 years, I've accumulated quite a lot of things. Personal files i.e. my insurance, housing loan, bills2, receipts, tax files yang dulunya di simpan di rumah semuanya di bawa ke office. Sebabnya kat rumah Mak takde space nak letak barang-barang camni. Tendency nak hilang tu lebih besar. So now, that I'm moving to a narrower space, kenalah angkut balik barang-barang ini semula ke rumah. Ishk...

Now, I really can't wait to pindah rumah so I could arrange this personal files just like I did in my office. Very the organized.

Oh, by the way, I've had a discussion with the person who I'm going to replace in the new department. Yup, I'm handling drama loans. Deal with lots of drama producers. So before you scream with joy, let me tell you one thing, producers are not celebrities. Their names might not be famous in public. But of course, some producers are artistes themselves...but they are not the easiest creature to deal with. Gosh! But hey, I've got the opportunity to see them shoot, so if I want to mingle with celebrities also can...:)

Another thing that worries me is the secrecy act. Of course, we bankers are bounded by this act i.e. we could not disclose client's info to other people. Hmmm...I've been thinking this will be hard thing to follow. It would not be interesting if I told my Hubby "Company xxx ni tak bayar hutang 6 bulan!" Hubby mesti akan buat muka "so what!" dia.

But it'll be damn interesting kalau I told him "Suh@n Mov1ies tak bayar 6 bulan. Kitaorang nak sue company tu, lepas tu owner dia menangis depan I!" Hahaha...It's so interesting you really have the urge to share the story with someone else! Ishk..ni yang payah ni. But being the banker me, I'll try not to tell stories. Kalau bapak auditor i.e. Bank Negara tahu, mati beb. Hilang soru tiap bulan nanti...
And don't come and ask me "Hey Rafiqah, ada gossip panas tak sekarang ni?" the next time you see me...
(By the way, that producer I mentioned above is a good paymaster..so don't go around telling people in public that we are sueing them. Itu sebagai contoh saja).

Another interesting thing is a friend just told me ...

"Apa lagi Rafiqah..now is the time for you to market your C.M.O.G products to this showbiz people...Mana tau diaorang nak buat launching filem ke, you bolehlah provide chocolate wrapper you as door gift!"

Erk! Sorry babe, seriously when I deal with a client, I'm strictly a banker. I memang tak tahu nak sambil menyelam minum air ni. I guess I'm afraid that my life will be at stake should I try to market my part-time biz with my Bank's client. None of my clients even the corporate ones who have annual dinner every year knows that I have side biz. But hey, who knows kan...Kalau ada rezeki that'll be a good opportunity for me to explore..emm..emm...

Updates and Photos

Thanks a lot for the comments I received from my last entry (although I have replied individually in the comment's box). Somehow or rather having posted that entry, makes me feel at ease. One thing I know is I'm not alone in this. This is part and parcel of becoming a parent. But having posted the entry also somehow makes me calmer than before. Everytime nak marahkan Ashraff or continue to do so, I'd suddenly remember this entry...and all the comments I received, and somehow it stops me from acting irrationally. I guess just like any motivational or stress management course you've attended to, you need to have a refresher course every now and then, and having posted my last entry is like a refresher course to me (so expect a similar kind of entry in the future..hehe). Thanks.

Now, a little bit of update about my life...

1. Remember the rumours about me to be transferred to a new department? Finally, I've received the letter that I've been waiting for from the HR. Alhamdulillah, I shall be working in another department i.e. Special Financing Branch, handling all the micro loans from 2nd January onwards. Meaning which, I shall remain working in the same building, with the same commuting convenience. But of course, the workload is not the same. It is heavier as the quantity are larger. So dengar cerita, Sabtu Ahad pun ada yang datang kerja (yikes!). But in numerical terms they are much lesser (nama pun micro kan). So kalau one loan turns bad, at least it doesn't cost the Bank millions of ringgit. There is a possibility (i.e a rumour) that I shall be handling tabung perfileman, so meaning which I have to monitor celebrities' accounts and collecting debts from them. Emmm...macam bestkan? Tapi betul ke best? Tungguuu....

2. We have choosen to register Ashraff to a kindergarten very near to my parents' house. Within walking distance, so Abah/Mak could help us to fetch Ashraff after school. The fees I would say is on the high side compared to some other schools that we went to, but the arrangement suits us best. More convenient. Ashraff couldn't wait to go to school, but we are kinda afraid that it took him some time to adjust waking up early in the morning. He usually wakes up around 8-8.30. School starts at 8.30. Not much adjustment to make, except that it took him sometime to get rid of his "kutu mamai" lepas baru bangun tido. Dia jenis yang suka baring golek-golek sampai 1/2 hour, minum susu, suka delay his bathing time. I'm afraid after sometime he refused to go to school because he is restricted in a way. Will see about that...

3. We have received a letter to take possession of our new house, and we plan to take the key next Saturday, insyaAllah. Can't wait to see our brand new house. Now we are finding an effective way to sell our Cheras's condo. Any recommendation? Or better still, any taker?

Of course, with the completion of the house, our cashflow is badly affected as we have to pay the principal sum. Good times are over, folks! Time to open up our family budget for year 2008. With expected increase in fuel and toll price, we will definitely cut down our holiday fund and expenditure on children's toys and clothings. Thank God my credit card balance is zero. Hope I can maintain this as long as I can. Oh by the way, do anyone of you know and good interior design consultant? Saja nak usha-usha:)

Ok, rujuk entry di bawah for some snapshots of Ashraff and Aliff's birthday bash. I'm making an entry of its own.

Birthday Photos

Finally, I've received two CDs containing about 300 photos of Ashraff & Aliff's birthday party. Lovely captures of the day, I must say! Credit to Zubye. Here are some snapshots...

THE DECO

Red and blue canopy

THE FAVOUR

Adults only favour

THE FOOD

(Alhamdulillah we have good response on this part. Credit to Hubby and Mak! Didn't get to enjoy eating them myself.)

Baked Macaroni (courtesy of Chef Daud)

Fried Meehoon (courtesy of Tok Lon)

Kuih-muih and drinks (drp pelbagai supplier..hihi)

Hawker Style Char Kuey Teow

ABC anyone?!

THE CAKE

Chocolate Moist Cake (with some cruncy filling) from Ezy Cakes Sdn Bhd.

THE BIRTHDAY BOYS

Every kid gets a Spidey sticker

CAKE-CUTTING

BUBBLE TIME

THE GUEST

To all who came, thanks for coming to our birthday party. Ibu shall update you with photos from her own personal camera (before and after party) later. And Ibu also said she wants to add all the 300+ photos in her Facebook album, if she got that extra time to do so:)

-Ashraff & Aliff-