Dilemma of a Working Mother

I know my next posting after this post should be about our Bandung Trip. But I just feel the urge to blog on what happened to me this morning while I'm still emotional over it (lagipun gambar Bandung tak transfer dalam PC lagi)...

Ashraff slept at his usual time which is 11.00 p.m. last night. Usually, he will wake up at around 9 a.m. the very next morning. But this morning, while I'm ironing the clothes I wanna wear this morning at 7 a.m., I heard a loud cry from my room. Ashraff was crying loudly (really loud I tell you!) followed by "Ibu! Nak R U! Ibu! Nak R U!". ("R U" ni maknanya tidur sebab everytime Ashraff nak tidur, he wants me to sing for him the song "Are U Sleepy? Are U Sleepy? Brother John" while patting his buttock. Without this usual routine, dia memang tak boleh fall asleep on his own). Thus, I rushed to my room and console him but now he's complaining about his nose pulak. "Nose sakit, nose sakit!!"...It's not that he has painful nose, but due to crying, he suffered from runny nose so that irritates him a lot. In fact, everytime he cried nowadays, he will complained about his "nose sakit" and cried even harder, which worsen the situation. Like a vicious cycle or something but it is definitely hard to calm him down...

My concern is of course, on the time taken to calm him down, while I'm running late to work. So I went outside the room and called my mother to help me put Ashraff to sleep as he's very sleepy and kept on saying "Ibu, nak R U..Nak R U...Ibu..." diselang selikan dengan "Nose sakit! Nose sakit!". Panggil punya panggil my mother, but she's not around. So I figured out he must have followed Abah for a morning jog. Alahaiiii...kenapa pagi ni nak pergi jogging pulak. Hari lain tak nak pergi pulak...

Kalau tak pasal dah dua hari lambat datang kerja dalam bulan ni, I would have forgo the need to rush to work and tried to console Ashraff, and put him to sleep. Kesian sangat tengok dia menangis macam tu...But I can't afford to be late for the third time in a month, as the management will issue me a "surat cinta" if that's the case. Barangsiapa yang pernah menerima "surat cinta" ini, penilaian kerja (appraisal) di akhir tahun akan terjejas walau sehebat mana dan sekuat mana anda berkerja...Gee!!

So, I just left Ashraff crying in the room, and rushed to the bath room for my morning shower. I can still hear clearly Ashraff crying in the room sambil merayu-rayu, "Ibu..Ibu...Nak R U, Ibu...". I replied, "Ibu sini sayang. Ibu kena bersiap pergi kerja kalau tak Ibu lambat. Kalau Ibu tak kerja, Ibu boleh "R U" kan Ashraff..." With that, I broke down with tears. Meruntun betul hati ni dengar anak perlukan kita, sementara kita harus tinggalkan dia untuk mencari rezeki di luar. I cried and cried in the bath room while trying to communicate with Ashraff at the same time.

Suddenly I heard my mother calling. Thank God she's back! I wiped my tears and opened the door for Mak to come in. I told her to try to put Ashraff to sleep as he's still very sleepy. But Ashraff refused! He wants me, not his atok mak. "No Atok Mak! Nak Ibu, nak Ibu...Ibu!! Ibu!!". Menjerit-jerit while atok mak is trying hard to calm him down by bringing him to her room. Alahaiii...Ibu menangis lagi...Behind the close door, I can still hear vaguely Ashraff crying for me. Even now, I can still hear her crying...

If only I do not have to go to work today...